Sunday, December 04, 2005

Mean Girls

(photo from movieweb)

I just finished watching Mean Girls, the very-funny and very-perceptive comedy, written by the very-talented Tina Fey. (We can forgive a Lindsey Lohan movie when it's written by Tina Fey! And I must admit that L.L. is fabulous in the role.)

I've never understood the capacity for women to be intentionally mean to each other, especially to be mean to their friends. It's always felt a bit pointless to me. I'm still in my battle with my friend (read two posts down), though it's not really a battle as she hasn't spoken with me since I made a careless drunken comment a week-and-a-half ago (I don't want to get into it as it would take hours to explain the backstory, but trust me, it's fairly minor in the grand scheme of life's problems). I tried to apologize, because I know I was in the wrong, but she's ignored me when I've knocked on her door and she returned my letter-of-apology (unopened and unread) with a scathing note of her own.

And I don't understand. I don't understand why she doesn't just say, "Theresa, you hurt my feelings; I feel betrayed and upset." I don't understand the urge to be passive aggressive with a friend who has, until a ten-second, drunken glitch, been loyal and empathetic and kind. Friends get in fights; they make mistakes. Friends are human beings; they're not perfect. It's just all so frustrating.


Anonymous Vanessa said...

Love love love Mean Girls. Regarding your friend, I'd suggest patience. Give her space. She'll likely come around on her own time. There's nothing worse than fighting with a dear friend. Doesn't it just make your heart ache?

10:47 AM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

My only consolation is that in her scathing letter to me, she said exactly what you just wrote: I need space.

I'm hoping that's what is happening here. And yes, it breaks my heart.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Usually when people respond like that, it's either an idication of harbored feelings they haven't been honest about or they have something else going on in their life that has nothing to do with you.
Hang in there. I hope this resolves itself soon.

8:15 AM  
Blogger la.dauphine said...

Maybe because the movie was so hyped that I was kind of bored by it. I did like Rachel McAdams performance, though... she SO reminded me of girls I once knew!

It sucks when friendships turn like that... especially over the holidays. But I'm sure she'll come around. Just give her the space - she may be going through things you don't know about.

8:59 AM  
Blogger la.dauphine said...

By the way, your friend is acting just as immature as I often do when I get mad at someone (yes, I've been known to do the returned note crap too). You've tried to apologize - now the ball is in her court. Courage!!

9:01 AM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

I know that my friend is dealing with things that have nothing to do with me -- while I still feel horrible about saying something so careless, I know that this has triggered something in her. I can only hope that she'll come around soon.

ladauphine -- I sometimes need space like this as well, but usually not this long. I think that's why I'm struggling so.

Thanks everyone!

10:45 AM  
Blogger Annieytown said...

I hope she comes around soon.
I know how hard it is to fight with a good friend.
You did everything right(the letter,letting her know how sorry you are etc) so do not beat yourself up over it.
In the end it will work out.

PS: I have never seen Mean Girls. Is it like a modern Heathers?

4:19 PM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

Mean Girls is a modern-day Heathers, but not as dark. (I love, love, love Heathers....) It's not nearly as good, but I'm still enjoying it, and it's making me feel less like a "bad" person about everything.

5:36 PM  

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