Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Oh and another thing....

Friday night, I'm out at a bar with friends following a cocktail party. Well, not exactly out with friends. I'm out with a good friend and her boyfriend, D, who I've never quite gotten along with. I've tried -- we've tried -- and I don't exactly hate him, but he's just someone I do not connect with for far too many reasons to go into here.

Anyway, D is pretty drunk (one thing he's very good at) and getting in my face with a bunch of hoo ha. I'm doing my best to just brush him off, aided by my friend (who is, like me, getting frustrated at her boyfriend's antics) when he suddenly says to me:
Why don't you have a boyfriend?

Okay, I know I'm not alone here when I say, Is there ANY WAY to respond to this question?

Let alone, is there any way to respond to this question when it comes from the mouth of someone like D? Is there any way to respond to this question in a way that doesn't make me sound like a total narcissist (Dude, it's not me, it's them) or someone who totally hates herself (Woe is me. I'm so lonely)?

Of course, D doesn't shut up there. He's on a roll (one sprinkled with sesame seeds). He says:

When I first met you, I didn't know what to think. But now that I've gotten to know you, I think you're pretty cool. I mean, you're not ugly. And you can fight it if you want to, but I just want what's best for you.


Gee, thanks, buddy. You can't imagine how flattered I feel.

13 Comments:

Blogger Julia said...

What the...?! I'm speechless.

What a champion this guy is! And you've never clicked? I just can't see why.

8:38 PM  
Blogger Jules said...

I tend to respond with sarcasm to those kinds of comments: "Because I'm a stuck up bitch who's too good for anyone."

Sheesh!

8:56 PM  
Blogger steveohville speakeasy said...

oh. that sucks. i wish there were an easy answer for someone like that. he sounds like my friends whenever i meet them out for drinks. that's complete with the whole litany of compliments - you're funny, good looking, considerate, i don't get it - and also with the eventual:

"i wish i had someone single to set you up with."

"have you tried internet dating?"

"you need to stop being so picky."

"you just need to find someone who will really appreciate you."

"women suck. but there's someone out there who doesn't."

"keep the faith, my man."

i just smile and say, thank you for your concern. it's something i'm working on.

and then, i say, to end the whole ordeal, "you just gotta be lucky once".

you just gotta be lucky once.

you can use that if you like.

10:01 PM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

Well, the problem is that this guy is totally and completely clueless -- when he's drunk, he's annoying and when he's not drunk, he's nothing. No comment I could give in response to him would have any impact, especially given that he said all of this totally unprompted (I wasn't complaining about being single; I wasn't even talking about being single beyond flirting with a cute guy there!)

I just hate it when I get "advice" or "analysis" that I didn't even ask for!

10:33 AM  
Blogger greeneyes said...

Oh, I know that person (in the universal sense). Comment smacks of the subtext, "Exactly what is it you think you're doing wrong?" Grr. Even when asked out of total "innocence," that question is just rude.

I usually just said, "If I wanted one, I'd have one." Subtext being, if I wanted to settle the way my friend did. ;-)

6:58 AM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

That's pretty much my response as well...

7:10 AM  
Blogger Parisjasmal said...

What an assbucket!

7:05 AM  
Blogger Anonymous Writer said...

I hate it when somebody pulls that sort of thing with me...to the extent that I almost feel like spitting in their face or something...though that'd probably just give them evidence as to why I'm still single.

Usually, I'd joke about it, but now, the older I get, the harder it is to just laugh it off, 'cause it grates at you inside.

Sometimes, I just smile and say, "I guess I'm just not desperate enough to settle the way some people do." And underneath it all, I really believe that.

BTW, I stumbled across your blog 'cause last night, I was watching that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie has her 35th birthday...like you, her little speech about not having a man in her life always affects me. I was looking for that quote and that's how I came across your blog...but the more I read, the more happy was that I'd stumbled across your blog. It's so well-written and good!

9:00 AM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

Welcome anon! I'll make sure to check yours out.

It is hard because even though we know that we're not about to settle and that we're for the most part content with our lives, it's always painful to hear that other people (even loser people) have noticed and have the nerve to comment.

12:08 PM  
Blogger chippamunkey said...

Wow, I can't believe people - well, I can! I have met so many people like this guy! Argh... why are there so many of this guy out there any how?

Btw, I started reading your blog a while ago when I did new--old--fashion, but I had to shut it down, although I couldn't keep it up - too busy. Anyhoo, I started a new blog - www.chippamunkeys.blogspot.com.

Anyhoooser, I will keep checking back - good job, I always enjoy reading your blog.

-CEIJE

9:30 AM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

good to see you again!

3:13 PM  
Blogger Scout said...

How about - "cos the only guys out there are like YOU!"
Bit harsh maybe?

3:10 PM  
Blogger TessaJ said...

Scout -- ha ha! Luckily, I don't believe that! I'm getting better and better at avoiding men like that!

5:39 PM  

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